November

(Instead of a review) Ieva Vaivaraitė
www.kamane.lt , 2008 11 11

Author of action – Konstantinas Gaitandži

Place – gallery Meno Parkas (Kaunas, Rotušės Sq. 27, 2nd floor)

Time: 2008 10 15 – 11 11

Characters:

Chinaman – a small man of average age dressed in panda fur. Speaks in broken English and knows several Lithuanian phrases. He hunted pandas all his life and, when they became extinct, he came to Lithuania to hunt bison. After finding none, he started working in a Chinese food restaurant in Kumelių Street.

Lizdeika – Russian blue cat, usually it purrs but sometimes turns into a medium and starts speaking in Latin with Russian accent. It is in red cowboy shoes and has golden necklaces on.

Elf – a young man with taper ears and blue eyes, long blond hair. He acted in the “Lord of the Rings” and could not forget his role, thus, he speaks in an elevated manner and using only texts from the scenario.

Yogi – old and very thin man of gray hair and beard dressed in orange US prisoners’ clothes. He levitates in lotus posture all the time mumbling mantras and sharing spiritual wisdom.

Blue woman – a girl who has returned from slavery abroad with blue skin due to some unknown disease. She participates in preventive, educational and charity campaigns actively, she is a rising star and speaks in patter.

(The five characters view paintings in the exhibition hall.)

Chinaman (resentfully): Not art, not art! Art die, West world have no art!

Lizdeika (walking in circles): Art, neart, art, neart, art, neart... I’ll have to plough (art is the Lithuanian for plough). Quae urget animos notros tristitia liquescel (“Sorrow that tortured our souls will vanish for good”).

Chinaman: China show you art!

Elf: Close? Is the great wall close? Tongues of the nuclear war are near, we have to rush! Have you been cheated by the deceitful wealth?

Yogi: Yin Yang, my sheep, yin yang. Breath deeply and peacefully, free your souls from eternal concern. Let Svamis Astanomeda bless you.

Blue woman: What svamis, get down to earth. Lithuania is suffering from moral and economic crisis! Hush, cat, do not laugh! What will become of the nation fed with such art? No thought, no meaning, who gave permission for demonstrating the pornographic “art” of low morale and of the level of colour books? I'll address responsible institutions and call journalists as this may not be left unnoticed.

Lizdeika: In patria natus non est propheta vocatus (“One is no prophet in own land”).

Yogi: Blue woman, your eyes have been obscured by Maia charms, all this is only God’s breathing pulsating for thousands of years. Look deeper!

Elf: Oh, St. Sebastian, protect us from plaque.

Lizdeika: Maromurmaromurmaro.

Yogi: Amen.

Chinaman (nodding the head): Crazy europeans, kwalei, kwalei. (kwalei is broken Lithuanian for stupid).

Blue woman (leaves the hall): I will not leave this as it is.

Lizdeika (sits down in the corner of the hall mumbling rhythmically): So what that the hair has turned grey / And nightmares show at night / The past is childhood fields / Don’t fear: the jubilee is here / So what that the hair has turned grey / And nightmares show at night / The past is childhood fields / Don’t fear: the jubilee is here / So what that the hair has turned grey / And nightmares show at night / The past is childhood fields / Don’t fear: the jubilee is here...

Elf (takes out a big agaric from the pocket and leaves the hall after giving it solemnly to the Yogi): Childhood has run away to the fields / Autumn comes in forests / Everybody makes mistakes / We say to you friendly: “Let it be”.

Yogi (flies over to the laptop computer and starts playing solitaire): Let it be.

(The power disappears after two minutes. Only mumbling of Lizdeika is heard. The performance is over.)